Bless me father for I have sinned...
Welcome to Father Dick's confessional, where you cum, sorry come to confess your deepest, darkest sins. Cardinal, deadly or otherwise, we need them to incorporate into the show. Obviously you can remain anonymous and if you post a comment there is no way of finding out who you are, such is the wonderful world of the internet! So details, details, details people....smells, colours, places, names (fake or otherwise) placenames (real but inaccurate is best....if that makes any sense) time, years, what was on tv when you sniffed your sisters undies in woolloomooloo in 1987? What colour was the carpet? Did you feel guilty when you realised that your pet cockatoo Harold was watching?
So anything you got people....we aren't looking for what you think is interesting, entertaining or funny. In fact my example is probably a bad one....banal is maybe best? I dunno....let's see what we get. If you are a catholic, laapsed or otherwise then details of whaat type of sin it is would also be good...saves me having to research and stuff.
So yeah, post a comment under this message or alternativly I'll give matt&telia the username and password and you can post a new one.....
see you in hell,
Father Dick
So anything you got people....we aren't looking for what you think is interesting, entertaining or funny. In fact my example is probably a bad one....banal is maybe best? I dunno....let's see what we get. If you are a catholic, laapsed or otherwise then details of whaat type of sin it is would also be good...saves me having to research and stuff.
So yeah, post a comment under this message or alternativly I'll give matt&telia the username and password and you can post a new one.....
see you in hell,
Father Dick
posted by pennymachinations at 11:01 PM
56 Comments:
fther dick here...checking anon posts work...
I want to fuck my housemate’s girlfriend…I’ve cut a hole in my wall so that I can hear her when she goes at it.
I love every little thing about you.
I fancy Fran.
She never swallows... it bores me...
i'm in love with the girl who loved the biting......
I steal those white chocolate cookies from the bakery, then eat them and dispose of the evidence before checking out at the grocery store. I do the same with strawberry milk usually.
I get really drunk and stoned on the weekends then i eat blue m&m's and only the blue ones and i eat them in threes...
I drank 12 cans of Mt. Dew today.
I was once so damn hungry that i ate a red smarty from behind a public toilet. I guess its true what they say, 'save the red ones for last'. Damn that thing was good, i wish a had another...
My dad asked me who ate the last donut. I blamed my brother.
I saw some chump drop a 20 dollar bill on the floor at work. I could easily have said, "Hey, that's yours. get it." Instead I waited til he left, then pocketed it.
I stole my 3 year old daughter's money to buy a shot of vodka
On the first whole day off when my roommate wasn't around i spent the whole day naked, drinking and playing video games by myself. At one point my xbox had been on for too long and started overheating; i put it in the freezer so i could start playing again more quickly. This was one of the best days of my life.
I wiped my arse on my family's clothes hanging at the back of the door because there's no toliet paper sometimes. Well, I figure if they don't know, it's okay, besides they are dirty clothes anyway. I have to break this habit.
i started a fire a public building, and the fireman 'found' me hiding in the woods, and he pretended not to see me hiding 1 foot away in the night, i was under 18 years old. 30 years ago.
Dear dude - fuck you for treating her like shit. Dear chick - fuck you for taking him back. P.S. The phrase is green with envy, and now I know what that means. It makes me sick to think of what I've lost to another.
i used to care about people and their problems. now i just watch the news and yawn.
The most glorious form of comedy is to secretly place your johnson or "member" on the office copier and run off a hundred or so copies, which are then carefully re-inserted into the paper tray upside-down. When some stupid ass kissing shithead goes to copy or print something, images of your manhood appear like blurry swords of vengeance in the middle of his presentation, mocking his small ambitions and his compromised life. You chortle to yourself as the screams echo down the hall. It is a happy day.
I drink alone.
I urinate in the gym shower.
every morning I wake up I find that I am very dissapointed that I did.
I once peed in my aunt's pool when no one was looking. later that day, my sister went swimming in there.
I am a number. So are you. I am treated like cattle. So are you. That's what I am. That's what you are. A number. Cattle. Nothing more, nothing less. The difference is---I can recognize that fact. Why can't you? Mooooooo.
I am living a lie. I cheated my way through school. My grades were the products of other people's work. Now I am faking my way through a job and blaming my incompetency on my coworkers.
somtimes i go onto internet chat site and pretend to be a chick, as soon as i can i find a guy and seduce him, since i know what guys want to hear its easy. almost evry time i have intense cyber sex with them. i feel like such a freak, i wonder if other people do the same...
I think I just gave myself brain damage with the ammount of beer I just drank and the ammount of coke I just hoovered. Jesus.
When somoene speaks to me, I can tell with just the first phrase if that person is cultured and educated or a complete fucking moron. Most of the time, the first few words are a dead giveaway, Id hate to meet me
i drive around my neighborhood and shoot cats with my bb-gun.
once, on the morning i started my new job, i arrived much too early to the area (which was a large leafy industrial park). i really needed a nervous shit, and i didn't want to go in and say 'hi, i'm new, i need to shit', so i cunningly found a bush behind a deserted office block...and used some leaves afterwards. then i went in and shook everybody's hands.
When I was a kid, I once put my finger between my but cheeks and then held it up to my dog. I thought it was funny when he licked it off. Sorry Sebastien.
One time my grandmother got up from her chair and I smelled the cushions.
I'm the worlds’ biggest fraud... Everyone thinks I'm a total and complete genius and I’m more intelligent than the average, but I’m lazy and a liar... My work think I have a PhD in computer design – I dropped out after only 2 semesters, I partied and flunked my way out because I was more interested in Parties & Pussy… I’ve been able to fake it (there was a guy who graduated Berkley at the right time with the same name) and no one at any of the jobs I’ve had has ever questioned my ‘degrees’ but it’s all a lie…
My girlfriend of four years recently dumped me for another man. We still live together, and I feel powerless over my emotions when she goes to see him. So, every time she leaves I swirl her toothbrush in the toilet and put it back on the shelf.
i stole a can of coke from a fridge in a church
when i was young i secretly wished i would get cancer so i could go to camp quality because grass skiing looked cool.
I joined a youth group when i was young, because one of the girls in the group had really big breasts and i would ask her if i could touch them and she would say yes.
sometimes i leave my washing in the machine for so long that it gets that funny smell so i have to wash it again. then i leave it in there again. the most i've ever had to do this was 4 times.
I blow my nose on my socks when i can't be bothered going to get a tissue. Sometimes i take them off my feet to do this.
I am a walking cliche! Check out the stats:
1) Cheated on my partner
2) It was with a workmate
3) The affair started when we were out of town on business
4) He is married with a child
5) I often minded their child on the weekend
Yes, I am the babysitter that every wife hates!! Not my proudest moment by a long shot, I must admit...
I think too much
i voted for casey on australian idol.............4 times.....
I once shagged a boy who had a girlfriend. I hate girls that do that, but somehow it was justified because she had the same name, height, weight and hair colour as me.
I had sex in a room reserved for meditation and religion - right next to the bible and the koran. god was looking after me that day!
I really dislike my grandfather, specially now that he has had a stroke. He's even more of a wanker. (now that feels really evil)
I hate mother theresa. she was a nasty woman who got away with stuff just because she was mother theresa.
i used to put my dirty undies on my cat's head just to see her walk backwards. If i still had a cat, i would still do this. it still makes me giggle a lot.
and finally, sometimes i wish my parents would die so that i would inherit money and could go and get an extreme makeover.
unfortunatly as i am not catholic, and am starting to sympathise with Iraqi terrorists as I watch yet another doco on sbs about the rise of the evangelical right, there is no forgivness in my future. so I might as well wallow in it........now, wheres the cat?
If my parents didn't give me money for a bubblo bill I used to go to the closest church and steal it out of the poor box.
I once pissed in Matt's potplant
I'm not religious but I once took communion just to see what the bread tastes like.
I'm also a Godparent who doesn't believe in God. Does that make me a parent?
I used to steal so much stationery from Dad's work that I still have some of it.
When I was in telemarketing and someone was really rude to me, I'd call Kirby Vaccuums (known as THE most pushy salesmen), give the person's name and address and ask for a demonstration at 7:30 on the following Sunday morning. I'd also say not to call beforehand as a baby would be asleep in the house.
I made up one of my confessions
i chose money over art
A friend of mine, not me, was taken to the station after blowing over .05 on the breathalyser. They asked if they could use the toilet befor being breathalysed again (with the intention of drinking as much water as possible). When they were taken to the toilet by the policeman, there was no basin, so they had to make the choice, which they did, of kneeling beside the toilet, and cupping the water in their hands from the bowl to their mouth as quickly as they could. They blew the machine again, and were under the limit. It happened to a friend, of a friend of mine!
During my first marriage, I picked up a girl at a party once when I was really drunk and took her an abandoned building where we bonked like rabbits. When she asked if she could see me again, I gave her a completely fake name and phone number and said "Sure, I'd really like that." My wife was home waiting for me.
At my wife's 21st Birthday party, her best friend hit on me. I got my wife drunk and took her home so I could come back and make out with her friend.
I used to tie a ribbon around my cat's stomach and watch her go crazy trying to get it off.
I was really broke once, so I took some money from our office Social Club funds, which I still haven't paid back.
on my final day of work as a waiter i worked really hard and got really sweaty and then on my break, made a stink palm and went back to serving a bunch of rich pricks their food. everytime i put the food down i made a point of placing my hand on someone at the table's shoulder and saying enjoy your meal. i made $60 dollars in tips, drank it all and had sex in the toilets of my local pub. What a great day.
i love peeing outside. when my housies are away i never pee inside. even during the day. hehehe pissssss
The last time I had the house to myself I masturbated twice before I got out of bed, danced to Hollaback Girl by Gwen Steffanni and ate sour cream straight out of the tub for lunch. With my fingers.
i often blow my nose on my socks cause i'm to lazy to find a tissue. I've yet to put them back on again after doing it, but i'll get there...
I bought my very first pill with money that my grandparents had given me to buy food with. Fuck that was a great pill. the best thing was all the speed my friend gave me meant that i wasn't hungry.
i give myself a birthday present every year.
i've just noticed someone else is a sock nose blower!!!!!!!! we rock!!!! we should hitch up.
I once snorted tinea powder thinking it was the remains of some realness we'd had earlier in the night. I did it cos I thought my girlfriend had more than me, and I thought I was special cos I was getting her back by finding the hidden little stash.
i have a thing for this guy at school and we have heaps in common he's really nice and cute, but i only ever talk to him on MSN cos we are in different groups at school. he added me on MSN recently and we always talk and laugh. i like him. but i'm too shallow and a bit too shy to talk to him in public. if i never find anyone i know why. :(
Not only do I blow my nose on my socks, but I also clean my nibs on them, wipe food grease from my hands onto them, and masturbate into them.
While living with my cousin, I failed to either treat my tinea or wear thongs in the shower.
I once pointedly asked my girlfriend if there was anything she would change about me if she could. She said 'no', and asked me if there was anything I would change about her. I said 'the flabby skin under your armpits'.
I'm more conservative in my opinions than I let on.
I have a crush on a boy who isn't my boyfriend and we have a lot in common, this eats me up inside and sometimes I cant sleep at night.
i am soo lazy that when i put food in the mirco wave for one minute i typically type in one minute eleven seconds so i dont have to move my hand 111 not 100.
When I was 11 years old I put on my aunts highschool formal dress and masturbated on my grandparents bed.
i masturbated while my mother had sex with her boyfriend in the next room. she kept hitting her head on the head-board.
i think i'm more interesting than i actually am
Once I had a sex dream about riding my cat. It's really gross because he's riddled with fleas and cat dandruff.
Last night for dinner i had half a packet of savoys covered in sweet chilli sauce and cheese, microwaved for 35 seconds. They were really fucking good. I told my mum I had steak and broccoli
I had a really runny nose one day and had no tissues on me so i took my from my sandwich and used the slice bread as a tissue.
It was new years eve and I had a bit too drink and there were no toilets around and i needed to change my tampon. I was standing outside so i quickly took out my tampon and chucked in this guys cup when he wasnt' looking.
Sometimes when i was little and used to play barbies with my best friend, If i spotted money in her room I'd put it in my shoe and pretend that i didn't know it was missing when she would ask me if i saw it.
I used to put my Barbies in the microwave
I used to work in a boutique hotel in SFO and I would sniff movie stars panties.
I once had an affair with a married man who I found very unattractive. He was a great guy, I really liked him, respected him, admired him and I got along great with him, but he was terribly ugly. When I was deciding whether or not to shag him, my considerations were based on the fact that he was ugly, not the fact that he was married.
When I was a kid, my mother was very strict about what I was allowed to eat. Now when I stay at other people's houses, i develop some kind of obsessive-compulsive overeating disorder. When they are not looking I go through their fridge and kitchen cupboards and eat little bits off all the things I was not allowed to eat when I was little. This still happens to me, even though I am now an adult and have been able to eat whatever I want for about the last ten years.
I agree with the comment about Mother Theresa. She was a nasty hoe.
i had cosmetic plastic surgery, told no one, and always say how horrified i am at cosmetic plastic surgery.
i sometimes vomit after food.
I once collected money on my street for Barnados (charity) and forgot to send it back to them.
i've had a few moments of wanting to hurt myself - like cutting myself - when I've been upset, or feeling particularly depressed. The only way I stop myself is by looking at a friend of mine who has done the same thing and pitying her so much. I don't want to become that person.
I promise to forward emails that contain petitions or mercy pleas for sick kiddies or worthwhile causes so that the people who forwarded them to me will like me and think that I am a good person. Then I delete them.
I once watched my sister in the shower. She was about 13 and the whole family was on holiday in a log cabin. My bed was near the door to the bathroom and I could just see her through the gap. She was shaving her pubes.
Some days I wonder what is the point of life. You know, that same old question. Some days it really gets me down. Other days I think it's really hilarious that there is no point at all. That means we can do whatever we want, right?
I get really annoyed at people and look down at them for their beliefs, attitudes, and most of all, their taste in music
I think i have realised that i am more intelligent than i actually am. not a sin so much as a confession i suppose
I have been stealing ganja from everyone for years.
I had an affair with my best friend's boyfriend because I was sick of her always accusing them of falling in love with me.
When he confessed to her, I lied and said I hadn't done it so she would break up with him. Everyone believed me because I was such a good liar and so it destroyed his friendships with a lot of people.
To this day, only two people know the truth. Him and Me.
I lie about it still. It is the only thing I am able to lie about.
When i had just turned 14, I went out with a boy because he liked me and i wanted to know what it felt like to have a boyfriend and be someone's girlfriend. I didn't really like him, but convinced myself i did. It lasted 4 days and left the boy heartbroken, and willing to wait until i was 16, which is when i believed i would be ready for a relationship. 3 months later, i repeated the exact same thing with another boy. It lasted 2 months. This led me into a pattern to last me the rest of my teenage years, using several more boys because i thought i liked them and wanted a boyfriend. I ended up losing my virginity so some hot Columbian guy when i was in Amsterdam when i was 19. He said he "loved" me (but not in that "i'm in love with you" kind of way), but i knew it was my last stop in europe and i just wanted to have sex. I was with him for 3 days (had 7 days in amsterdam in total). He was talking of coming to australia to be with me. I told him via email after i'd left the continent that i didn't have feelings for him. Since then, i have basically been able to stop this habit of convincing myself who i like. It's kind of working now. At least i'm not stuffing boys around any more. I'm about to turn 22.
I used to imagine licking out the most rancid teacher at my school. Her name was Mrs Fry, and she was hated by all. She reeked of perfume, wore bright green polyester dresses with matching cardigans, and was as wrinkled as an old prune. She was really unkind to everyone. And I couldn't stop horrible, horrible images of her from flashing through my mind.
Similarly, I have been unable to force visions of anal sex with men from my mind at various points in my life. Some of these men include my brother, my stepfather, and my best friend. One night in bed I put a condom on my finger and stuck it up my bottom.
I've also thought of raping people at random, or of just killing them for no reason.
I lie to just about everyone I know about just about everything, important or trivial I'll find a way to twist the truth. They believe me completely.
I don't think I am a good person.I think I was born this way perhaps it's something genetic I inherited from my father.
I worry that when my mum looks at me she sees the man who raped her.
i pee in the shower.
everyday. it saves time in the morning.
There's a guy who is younger than me who I kind of am attracted to, and I know I could never let anything serious happen because I'm too shallow and would be embarassed if people found out. But I like having someone like me so I've kind of been flirting and leading him on.
I encourage my dog to hump my leg as I find it rather amusing
once i wanted to find out what people thought of me, so i created a fake IM account, and pretended to be someone I went to primary school with. it turned out that they all thought I was a twat and that I spit when I talk...
and I pretended I had a boyfriend, and convinced my friends that he was real by making him a myspace.
Interesting article, added his blog to Favorites
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